Military Drabbles
by Surreal Realities
Summary: Featuring all of our favorite FMA military ppl! Please R&R oh I own nothing... let me know it U want me to update... or else buahahahahahaha..... ok.... anyways if yer looking for utter funny nonsense, you've come to the right place.
1. Rasputin Rules all

Ok so here's my first pathetic attempt at writing drabbles…

-----

- Rasputin Controls all!!!!

Maes Hughes was bored. Which was unusual because he usually was running around shoving pictures of his family in people's faces. Just then a song came on, on the radio.

_There lived a certain man in Russia long ago_

_He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow_

_Most people looked at him with terror and with fear_

_But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear_

_He could preach the bible like a preacher_

_Full of ecstasy and fire_

_But he also was the kind of teacher_

_Women would desire_

Hughes sat bolt up in his chair and stared suspiciously at the radio. The radio grinned and continued:

_RA RA RASPUTIN_

_Lover of the Russian queen_

_There was a cat that really was gone_

_RA RA RASPUTIN_

_Russia's greatest love machine_

_It was a shame how he carried on_

Hughes sat there and then his foot instinctively began to tap out the beat on the floor. Then before he knew it he was dancing around the office singing along with the song.

_He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar_

_But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar_

_In all affairs of state he was the man to please_

_But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze_

_For the queen he was no wheeler dealer_

_Though she'd heard the things he'd done_

_She believed he was a holy healer_

_Who would heal her son_

Then Maria Ross walked in and stared. Hughes must have been very bored.


	2. Pie is Evil

- Pie is evil

Jean Havoc was cleaning the floor one day when he spotted it. It was a piece of pie. He walked over and picked up the pie. He was hungry... hmmmmmm. Then he took a bite out of the pie. "Yum!" He said and continued to eat it. Then Breda walked in and saw Havoc eating the pie.

"OOh! Pie!" Breda said "Where did you get that?" He asked curiously. Havoc shrugged and pointed at the floor.

"Cool! What kind?" Breda asked. Havoc looked at the mystery pie. To tell the truth he had no idea what kind of pie he was eating. The pie then moved. Havoc shrieked and dropped the pie. Breda looked at him. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"The pie moved." They stared at the pie. Then they heard a squeaking sound coming from the pie and screamed and ran. They decided to stay away from the staff room for a while.


	3. Muderous Trees

- Murderous trees

Roy walked into the office one fine day. Some people stared at him but he ignored the stares. Then later he saw people looking at him and whispering things. He thought this was abnormal but decided to let it slide. Then later Hawkeye walked over to him.

"Colonel?"

"Ye lieutenant?"

"Did you happen to do anything involving a tree this morning?" Roy wondered why she was asking such a strange question.

"As a matter of fact lieutenant I have. Why?" He asked.

"You have tree branch sticking out of your collar." He looked back and she was right. It was one HUGE branch. It stuck all the way past his head and a meter higher. He looked at the branch.

"Oh." He pulled it out and threw it out the window. It flew through the window and hit a girl. Her name was Toph and she was now blind. For the tree branch disliked her.


	4. Don't take from Riza Hawkeye

- Don't take from Riza Hawkeye

Riza stared out the window of her house, waiting for _him_ she knew _he_ was coming, and this time _he_ wouldn't escape. She even left bait out. She waited for five minutes, ten, fifteen, twenty. Then she saw his car pull up to her sidewalk she made her way outside. It was time to confront _him_. He walked over to the bait and picked it up. "HEY YOU!" She yelled, waving her revolver in the air. The man looked up. _Oh no, not her again!_ He grabbed the bait and hopped into his car, driving away as fast as he could which was inconvenient because garbage trucks don't move that fast.

BANG!!


	5. Breda's Misfortune

Ok so chapter 5 is up even tho nobody asked for one… oh well I felt like updating anyways!

-----

- Breda's Misfortune

Haymans Breda ran for his life, he ran past Kain and Jean and Falman. Then he ran past Roy and Riza and Harry Potter. He was screaming the whole time, dashing through the hallways yelling: "IT'S AFTER MEEE HELP HELP HELP!!!!!" He then tripped on a chopstick and fell to the ground. He looked back and he turned a ghastly while colour. "A-AAAAH! S-stay away from me! No no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Meanwhile, Maria Ross was eating a bowl of Noodels. "Hey! Who took my chopstick?"

-----

Do you know what Breda was running from?


	6. The Curse of the Damned

# 6 time!

----

- Curse of the Damned

Roy Mustang ran for his life. Wait…. Didn't this already happen??? Ok well….. um… this story is a little different so bear with me!

Roy Mustang ran for his life. For he was being chased by the damned!!! Up ahead he spotted a familiar Riza Hawkeye. She was passed out and laying on the ground, looking absolutely helpless. Then Roy got an idea and ran over to her with an evil glint in his eyes! When he reached her he knealed down and shook her. She was unconscious. "Even better!!" He muttered to himself. He glanced back behind him and the damned were gaining. He looked back at his lieutenant and grinned. Then he began kicking, wacking and whipping her, hoping the damned would think he was one of them and leave. Unfortunatley it didn't work and the damned came and ate them both.


	7. Bubbly Baths

Ok so even tho nobody reads this I'm updating...

--------

- Bubbly Baths

Breda had a secret love. Even though nobody knew it Breda loved to take bubbly baths. This was a problem when Havoc, Falman, Fury and himself were called on a trip away from HQ.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Kain exclaimed.

"Yeah, a whole week away from the colonel!" Havoc said, putting his feet up on the front of the dashboard and smoking his cigar obsessively.

"We still have work you know?" Falman lectured them. Stupid Falman.

"A week?!" Breda asked in shock and horror, choking on his pastrami and noodle sandwich. "That long?!?!"

"Well yeah…" Havoc looked back at the fat man. Breda looked at the three nervously. He had never been that long without a bubbly bath!!!!!! Poor Breda!

They arrive at the place thing…. I wonder if it's a hotel…. Let's say it is for the hell of it!

"WOW! It felt like that trip took 3 seconds!!" Fury said happily.

"That's because it did!" Havoc said. "The narrator was too lazy to explain the whole car trip so she dropped us here…."

"Cool!!!" Fury looked into Havocs eyes and they shared a moment… WOAH! That was so uncalled for!!!!!!! Anywhoo………………

The three reach their hotel room without anymore delay:

"Wow no delays!" Falman said.

"Yeah! We didn't even have to take the elevator!" Fury added happily. They all looked at him. Since when were elevators invented? Oh well the point was they didn't have any delays. Meanwhile Bread was trying to figure out how to have a bubbly bath without the others noticing….

Then…….

A squareular thing burst into the room. It's name was Jordan because it's a name that both genders share and we aren't sure of this things gender.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!" It screeched in a low sexy voice.

"Dude…" Havoc said.

"I need a place to hide!" It said, once again in a sexy voice.

"um… ok hide in the closet!" Fury said.

"NO!! I JUST CAME OUT OF THAT!!!" The square thing said calmly yet anxiously yet annoyedly yet paranoidly yet happily yet sadly yet exstaticly yet he was drooling… but I'm sure that's not the point.

"That's all very nice but, I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO HAVE A BUBBLY BATH WITHOUT THEM NOTICING!! Breda shrieked spitting in their faces as he screamed.

And that, my friends is how Falman, Fury, and Havoc found out about Breda's obsession with bubbly baths.

-----------------------------

Yes, know… random and I'm sorry I didn't mean for Fury to have a moment with Havoc THE FANFIC WILLED IT I TELL YOU!!! IT MADE ME DO IT!!!!!!! Review!!!


	8. Froot Loops

Another one folks!!!

------

- Froot Loops

It was another day, but not any ordinary day, no, today was the day the military would put on its yearly annual puppet show!!

"WOW! I'M SO EXCITED I COULD PEE MYSELF!" Exclaimed Breda. They all looked at him and moved another three inches away from him.

"Me too!" jeered Fury. "I even brought a jester's hat!!" He placed the stupid looking hat on his head. Wow. That was a nice hat. They all wanted the hat but because they couldn't have it they ate cake. Everyone in the room was excited, except Riza. Riza didn't like puppet shows. No, she didn't like puppet shows at all.

"Every one quiet!" yelled Falman "The show's here!" Just then, some strange men dressed in pink muscle shirts, green shorts and white leggings burst through the doors carrying a puppet show… thing. They put it down and began dancing and prancing and twirling around the room.

"I hate this part…." Hissed Roy.

"Really asked an appalled Havoc. "This is my favorite part." Nobody cared. They all knew Havoc liked the men. Suddenly, the little miniature curtains opened and the show began.

"Oh dear!" cried a very badly made female sock puppet in a very manly voice. "I seem to be lost in a forest!" Another sock puppet came into the scene. This one was dressed in purple and was wearing a stupid film canister hat. Both puppets eyes were made out of Fruit Loops. This was the reason Riza hated the puppet shows. Riza despised fruit loops.

"Ahahaha!!" cried the second puppet in a stereotypical T.V announcer voice. "I am the evil-," there was a random loud bang as a carpenter with a hammer worked on the window randomly "-and I am here to-" another loud bang. Then, a voice was heard from off stage.

"I will save you!" and a sock covered in Fruit Loops appeared on the stage. There was a gunshot and a scream. Blood oozed out of the poor sock puppet and it fell out of view. They all turned their heads to see Riza standing with her gun pointed at the puppets. That was the last time East Headquarters had a yearly annual puppet show.


	9. The Aliens Took my Ice Cubes

I got this idea after watching an alien movie, in part of the movie the man took out an ice cube tray and that was my inspiration!!

--------

-The Aliens Took My Ice cubes!!!!!

"OH MY GAWD!!!" Havoc screamed, running down the main hallway of central headquarters. "OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD!!!!!" He continued to scream all the way to the colonel's office. He barged in through the doors... and I mean right through... "OH MY GAWD!!" The crazed smoker shouted running over to Roy's desk and shaking it. "OHMYGAWDOHMYGAWDOHMYGAWDOHMYGAWDOHMYGAWD!!!!!!!!!!!" He continued hysterically. Roy watched Havoc calmly and waited for him to calm down. Unfortunately Havoc had no intention of calming down so he just continued sputtering and yelling and spazzing and foaming and smoking. "OHMYGAWD!!!!!!!!" Havoc continued to screech in a shrill voice that sounded like a fat lady on helium. Roy frowned. He had never heard anyone, and I mean _anyone_ talk like that before.

"Are you alright Havoc?" Roy questioned questionably.

"ABBBHTTTHICSTHHEHHHHHHHCUBEFFGHSAJKS!!!!!" Havoc foamed, waving a glass of apple juice in his face.

"What?" Roy asked again, staring at the pee colored substance.

"THE ALIENSSSSSSSS!!!" Havoc screamed, spilling apple juice everywhere.

"Aliens?" Roy asked in misbelif. "There is no such thing as aliens lieutenant." He told him. "Now why did you come here?" Havoc took a deep breath and finally let it out.

"THE ALIENS TOOK MY ICE CUBES!!!!!!!!" Minutes later five men in white uniforms came and took Havoc away.


	10. Feury's Hat

OOkay next chapter… first I have to think of a topic... um… OOH GOT ONE!!!

-----------------

- Feury's hat

Feury was happy. He was happy because he had just gotten a jester's hat. This hat was special to him because it was green. It was also a very ridiculous hat. But everybody wanted his hat… so since they couldn't have his hat they all ate cake instead. One day Feury came to work with his hat on. This was the seventh time that week which means he wore it every day! The problem with that was everyone kept eating cake when they saw him they began to pack on the pounds. They all noticed how fat one another were getting so they told each other. And we all know how military men react when someone calls them fat!!!! They all cried and went home. So poor Feury was left alone at the office with no one to talk to but a broom. The broom was pretty…. Feury wanted the broom but since he couldn't have it he ate cake………


	11. Falman's Youth

Ok well I haven't updated much bweehee so here it is!!! Please review!

- Falmas Youth

Vato Falman sat broadly at his boring desk feeling bored! He sighed

"ARRGH! I'M SO BORED!!!" He screamed, causing everyone in the office to stare at him. Which, at the time was Black Hayate so the dog stared at him and he stared back and a hammer thief fell from the ceiling and stole all of Falmans hammers! "OMYGAWD MY HAMMERS!!" Falman exclaimed and ran out the doors onto the busy empty street. He looked around sadly; no one wanted to buy his lamp… The lamp cried, for it was a cat lamp, one with eyes and a nose and mouth that stared so sadly at him that it made Falman cry. "WAAAAAH BOOHOO cry cry cry" He sniffed sadly and wiped the tears away and went inside. YAY inside. The inside smiled happily for it was becoming lonely. He sat down and looked around. "Now wuddo I do?" he asked a nearby wall.

"I don't know." The wall answered. This was not unusual to Falman for walls spoke to him since he was a child. Oh yes his childhood such an interesting childhood.

A little innocent boy with a patch of white hair walked innocently down a street feeling lonely. Nobody wanted to hang out with him because he had white hair so it made him sad.

'"I want a friend!" he exclaimed to the sky and the sky said:

"I shall grant you with many fiends that will always be there for you but you must accept them alright child?" He nodded happily; he was finally going to get a friend! So he closed his eyes and suddenly he heard a voice behind him.

"Hey!" He turned around, but to his dismay all that stood there was a wall. He sniffed, for the sky had lied to him. "Hello! I'm talking to you kid!" The voice said again. And then he realized it was the wall talking to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Falman sighed he was glad the sky had given him such nice friends. Although people had always found it strange that he talked to walls. He was a happy man.

I don't know where this idea came from….. It was random and has no plot… oh well.


	12. Another strange day

Yet another strange Fanfic!...

-----------

- What a strange day….

It was a strange day in the military.,….

Feury sat in the office, watching everyone around him talk and laugh. He wanted to talk and laugh too but he had to dog sit. Stupid dog! He looked down at Hayate "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to think that!" He told the little guy. Hayate just barked. Feury wanted to do something so he left the office, leaving the dog in Breda's care, which wasn't the best idea ever because Breda ran away as soon as the little guy got near him. The dog coughed, he was annoyed that the fat man was scared of him… so he decided to do something about it. He walked over to him and stood on his hind legs, clearing his throat he spoke;

"Do not fear fat man, I come in peace." At this remark Breda fainted. Hayate huffed annoyedly and left the room too. Just then a man named Max Bialystock burst into the room.

"WE CAN DO IT!" He sceamed, then jumped out the window. Then a squid entered the room along with a twitchy mouse named Mobley. Everyone in the office stared at them.

"…" Roy coughed and went back to signing paperwork. The squid walked? Um slithered? Did whatever squids do to move, over to RIza.

"Hi RIZAAAAA!" It screamed and poked her in the head. Riza them spun around and shot him in the head. "ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH" I screamed in pain. The squid never stopped screaming, Gawds it was getting on Roys nerves so he stood up and with much gusto sang at the top of his lungs…

"SHUT UP IM TRYING TO DO MY PAPERWORK!!!!!" Everyone looked at him. He not only sang it but he was _trying_ to do paperwork???? How strange a day it was. Then Mobley twitched and approached Falman with a gift basket.

"Here you go. Thankyou for donating to the twitchy mouse foundation of New York." Falman smiled,

"Thankyou little mouse thing." Everyone looked at him. Since when did New York exist in Amestris?

"AGGGGHHHH I DON'T GET THIS MADNESS WHY MUST WE BE SUBJECT TO SUCH HUMILIATION!!!! I REFUSE TO WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!!" Roy screamed in a strangly high voice.

"YEAH!!! THROUGHOUT ALL ELEVEN CHAPTERS WE'VE BEEN MADE TO LOOK LIKE IDIOTS!!" Breda agreed, sitting up abruptly. "I DO NOT ENJOY BUBBLY BATHS!!!!" They all looked at him…. And it suddenly got akward. Feury walked back into the room and looked around. It was akward in here… so he left again. What a strange day in the military.

------------------------

Well it wasn't nearly as absurd as some others I've written but y'no wutever. If anyone has any ideas of what to write about let me know!!!!!


	13. The King of Broadway

Okies here's yet another fanfic that I just made up……

------------

-The King of Broadway

Roy sat at his desk and sighed, looking at an old picture of him, smiling, and standing in front of an ice cream parlor. He sighed sadly, remembering the good old days. He looked around and fell into his memories.

"I used to be the king… (The King!) The king of all Broadway…" He frowned… Where was Broadway? Whatever… Back to remembering… "The best of everything was mine to have each day…." What the heck was he thinking? He frowned at his strange thoughts, where were they coming from? He stared into nowhere and began again… "There was a time when I was young and gay… but straight…. There was a time when I was bold…. There was a time when each and every play I touched would turn to gold…" He looked around his office, hoping no one would hear his unintentional singing. "What the heck is wrong with me??" He asked out loud. Where was Broadway and since when was he the king of anything??? Except in grade 2… he was the king of cool! He pulled out a mirror and practiced his flashy smile in it. Oh he thought he was so good looking. Unfortunately the mirror didn't agree and it cracked. "AAHH!" He cried, "MY MIRROR!!!!!" And I really do mean he cried. The man bawled like a baby. "WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! My mirror!!!!!!"

The mirrors cracks then formed a face and frowned at him.

"Suck it up you big baby!" it hissed. "If you ever want to be truly beautiful then you must search out Mobly of the high peaks."

Roy blinked.

"Who's Mobly of the high peaks?" asked the big pouty baby formally known as Roy. The mirror slapped his nose and spat.

"Mobly of the high peaks can grant your wish." Cackled the mirror. "Now get moving, and fetch me a cookie!"

Roy hesitated. Then, throwing the mirror a cookie he took off on a large pink hairless mammoth. He rode the squishy trails until he reached the mountain of Bo-bo-ba-bi-goo-doo (try saying that 12 times fast!). The mountain guard POOKIE stopped him.

"Hi!" it squawked. "I am POOKIE! If you wish to pass you must first do one thing for me."

Roy cocked his eyebrow and it fell off, but he didn't care. He didn't need eyebrows to be beautiful. Eyebrows were so over-rated.

POOKIE continued, "Would you please say plucking pheasants 10 times fast?"

"Urm… Okay." Replied Roy cautiously. "Plucking pheasants, plucking pheasants, puckin pheasins, phu----" he stopped. "Okay ha-ha can I go?"

POOKIE jiggled in response. Roy nodded his thanks and passed. He continued up the squishy path until he stepped on a hog. The hog screamed and screamed… and screamed… and screamed…. And screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. It then stopped. The ground in front of Roy opened and a strange mouse came out. It had large buckteeth, many wiggly feet, a drooping ear and two seaweed like tails.

"Howda dooo?" it cried and twitched.

Roy replied, "I am Roy and I came to seek out Mobly of the high peaks. Would you happen to be Mobly?" Mobly wiggled in response and snorted.

"I was hoping maybe… you could make me beautiful." Continued Roy. Mobly stared blankly then shrieked. "NON-CHOKO-CHOKO!! –snort-" and pushed Roy off the cliff.

A few days later Roy was discovered splattered all over the squishy path. It was gross, but Roy was beautiful.

"That's the most beautiful squished person I've ever seen!" Bread said fondly.

-----------------

Ohmygawsh that got a little out of hand!!!!


	14. Untitled

…. um…. I don't even get this story…

-------------------

Roy frowned, watching everyone in the military hurriedly scrambling throughout the halls and offices. There was a kind of agitated feeling that day that set everyone out of their grooves. He sniffed; there definitely was something in the air that day…. Maybe it was just dist mites… he sniffed again and turned his back to the scuffling and agitated workers. "I want twelve!" He said to the strange man in a pink trench coat. The man nodded and handed him twelve Popsicle sticks. Roy smiled happily and skipped off to his office. He entered to see Riza with her gun pointed at a giant fuzzy stuffed dog. The dog was cute. It stared at her with huge, cute, black eyes and she just loaded the gun. Roy frowned, it was unlike Riza to threaten such an adorable piece of fluff… wait, no it wasn't… "Riza, what are you doing?" He asked he skeptically.

She looked over at him and frowned. "I'm having a bad day SIR and I feel like shooting something." She then pulled the trigger and it hit the fuzzy dog, causing it to fly back and hit the wall with a "squeaky" sound. Then it fell to the ground; its head flopped over in silent defeat. Roy sobbed sadly the dog was so cute, why did all the cute things have to die? He looked back up at Riza and stared her in the eye. Riza stared back and the two began a staring contest.

"OI!!!" Roy screeched and clapped a hand over his eye.

Riza frowned, "What's wrong with you, you big baby?"

"THERE'S FLUFF IN MY EYE!!" He exclaimed.

Riza frowned, how could fluff fall in his eye? The dog was over there.    . But when she looked over there she did not see any dog. Riza averted her gaze upwards and saw the dog! Hanging from the ceiling fan!! ""OHMYGAWSH!!!" She screamed and jumped away in terror. The dog then dropped from the fan and once again stared her in the eyes, fluff leaking out of it's wound. Just then….

"COLONEL!!! The colonel looked. It was a man in a bear suite. "THE PRESIDENT OF THE FURRY DONERS CLUB WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!!!"

Roy frowned, what was the furry donors club? He shrugged, well whatever it was, the president wanted to see him. So he took off with the man. The adorably cute plush dog was meanwhile pummeling Riza.

"ARRRGH!" She screeched as the fuzzy paws slapped at her. Then she melted.

THE END


	15. Purse Buddies

Remember, Next week is national Pineapple day!!

----

- Purse buddies

It was not an ordinary day at the military! Everyone was frantic and ecstatic. Someone had plugged the toilet… but no one really cared about that, there wear plenty more toilets where that came from. No, their excitement was the new shipment of purses that had just arrived. For, regulation stated that everyone in the military (except the fuehrer) was to have a purse. Of course all the men were so excited they could pee themselves, which is why the toilet was plugged.

Roy sat at his desk flipping through a pink magazine when the shipment for East Headquarters arrived. Someone knocked at the door so Roy opened it. "Yes what is it?" Roy asked, sounding like Roy.

"I have a huge shipment of purses here for everyone in your headquarters!" The small man screamed, quivering with anticipation and excitement. Roy's eyebrows shot up so high they penetrated the ozone layer and everyone in Xing burned from over exposure due to the sun's ultraviolet rays. They then landed neatly on his forehead and he resumed his Roy-like state.

"Yes? Is that so? Well I shall see to it that they all get handed out." And so that Roy did. He made sure everyone had one.

For the next few weeks everyone was wearing purses but soon they all wanted to be different. That was when the ingenious idea of Purse Buddies was invented.

One day a man named Bob came to work with a tin can in his purse, the tin can had a very badly drawn grin on it's face and it was rusting. Yuck! But everyone liked Bob's idea so they all wanted Purse Buddies. So everyone had purse buddies. Roy had an opaque platypus, Riza had a fondue fork, Fuery had a glass pumpkin, Falman had a bottle of Gatorade, and Breda had a stuffed piece of fudge. Everyone had purse buddies and they all loved them so! Except Roger, the janitor, for he had no purse. How sad, but because no one cared about Roger no one did anything.

THE END

(of this chapter)

-------

Yayyyyyyy hope U like-a!


	16. I Don't Know

**The following chapter contains… advertisements, Pokemon, boxes, Peeing trolls, and Smurfs… Well here goes nothing! It's time to ask the world the one question that's been on everybody's nerves…. **

**------**

- I don't know

It was a rainy day at East Headquarters and everyone was in a bad mood. Roy was setting fire to his paperwork and laughing maniacally, Riza was PMS'ing which means she was shooting anything that wasn't Roy, Feury was reading bad fanfiction. Falman was eating a cardboard box, and Breda was staring at him.

Falman was chewing on the box absentmindedly when he saw the fat man watching him. "You want my box man?" Falman said, pieces of cardboard still in his mouth. "Well guess what brother? You aint gettin any!" He hugged the box with his arms and legs and slid away on his butt to another part of the room. Breda stared at him.

Roy watched an important paper burn and smiled. "Oh how I love the smell of burning…. Things." He said in a high pitched voice that was much too high for a man.

"Inhaling helium again sir?" Riza asked in a manly voice. "Wait what?" She looked at the author and the author just smiled. Anyway her voice was manly and Roy's was not.

Breda stared at Falman.

Just then a Pokemon burst into the room. Riza shot it.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Feury laughed. "You guys should read this!" He smirked, tears rolling down his cheeks. "It's hilarious!"

Everyone crowded around the desk to see what was so funny.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They all laughed.

"The broom was pretty…. Feury wanted the broom but since he couldn't have it he ate cake………" Roy quoted and burst into laughter.

Everyone thot it was funny.  
Breda stared at Falman.

Because of trolls everyone had to leave the office so they did.

"Well that sucked" Roy said, watching a troll pee on his desk. "Oh well there goes all my paperwork!

"YAYYYYY!" All the smurfs exclaimed and jumped at the same time.

Breda stared at Falman.

"WHAAAAATTT?" Falman asked, a disgusting lump of box falling out of his open mouth.

"I've been wondering this for a while…" Breda started.

"Wondering what psycho?" Falman spat, pieces of box flying everywhere. Unfortunately one hit Feury and he died… May his soul rest in peace…

"I was wondering…. Why do you have such a bad haircut? And how the heck does it grow in that strange pattern?"

Falman looked at his head. "you want to know why?" He asked.

Breda nodded.

"You really want to know why?" He asked again.

Breda nodded.

"You sure you want to know why?"

Breda nodded.

"Positive?"

Breda nodded.

"Absolutley?"

Breda nodded.

"Seriously?"

Breda nodded.

"You really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really sure you want to know why?"

Breda nodded.

"Then I'll tell you why……"

Breda waited in anticipation…

"I…………."

Breda stared.

"I…………"

Breda stared harder.

"I………….."

Breda stared so hard his eyeballs fell out. Then he picked them up and put them back in.

"I…………."

"YOU WHAT?" They all asked in unison which was weird.

"I…… I don't know……"

**There ya go, hope that answered all your questions!**


	17. Riza's Way to Work

**Ok next chapter woot! Ect… I'll let you in on a little secret, half the time I don't even know what I'm doing. I just write and whatever comes out is what I use lol…**

**------**

On Riza's way to work

_Riza hasn't been in this story much so the author decided it was her time to shine!_

"Wha-whaaat?" Riza asked, taking a step back.

_Yes Riza, you are going to be the one I pick on today!!_

"NOOOOO" Riza runs off a cliff.

_You can't escape me that easily!_

Riza lazily got out of bed and stared at the floating numbers in the darkness. The time was 6:17. "Golly gosh onions I'm late!" She said, staring at the floating numbers. The Numbers smiled at her. She walked around her room and got her uniform together. Then she stuck a red clip in her hair because she liked red and left.

The dog watched her leave without feeding him. He was sad.

On Riza's way to work she saw an old man selling drugs and thought it was weird.

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" She heard someone yell and when she looked up it was too late for she got hit by a seagull. Someone was throwing SEAGULLS!! "STOP THROWING SEAGULLS!" She shouted at the person above. "ARRGH!" Then she shot them cuz that's what Riza does. Poor seagull man.

Meanwhile. "Don't do drugs!" Said a bear in a tutu and a frilly purple hat with ducks sitting atop it.

"ARRGH! This is too weird for meee!" Riza screamed and melted. People walked over the Riza goop and it was gross…


	18. Bored

**And the saga continues... oh and I do not own FMA or Walmart... boohoo...**

**----------------**

-Bored

Roy was bored. In fact everyone was bored. They were so friggin bored nobody even bothered to say they were bored. They were so bored that when Havoc was shot through the head, nobody even turned to look. Now that havoc was dead the room reeked of rotting corpse and that was just disgusting. But seeing as everyone was bored and apparently lazy, nobody did anything about it. Which sucked because it stank like... well a rotten body... how horrid! And to every one's amazement, it also smelled somewhat of rotten fruit, but they all knew Havoc never showered. That was horrid too. So any ways, everyone (except Havoc, who was dead) was bored. Then Hughes burst through the door. Literally. And set a flyer down on Roy's desk.

"THERE'S A SALE AT WALMART!!!!" The Lieutenant Colonel exclaimed with such joy you would expect the man to pee himself. He screeched like a male banshee and sauntered out of the office, all the other officers in tow. They stampeded to Walmart and bought random junk then they caused mayhem.

The mayhem was very mayhemical and they got themselves kicked out, which was too bad because they still wanted to shop for some "Like totally cute sandals!" Luckily for Feury, he had bought himself a pair of yellow toe thongs before they were kicked out and now paraded around the headquarters announcing to everyone that he himself owned two yellow thongs. Now because of this thought many of the men had gone home early to throw up in their toilets.

And so ended another boring day at the military.


	19. Tea Party

-The Tea Party.

It was a fine day and Roy was holding a tea party. He set up beautiful teacups and saucers. Along with homemade scones and biscuits yum. "AAH I con't wait for my company to arrive!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly. Just then the doorbell rang and he answered it.

"Hi Roy!" Breda said with a grin!

"Hello there Heymans!" He said with a smile and moved aside to let him in. Oh did I mention Roy was wearing a frilly apron? Well he is ok? GEEZ! Just at the moment a burning smell could be smelt from the kitchen. "OH!" Roy exclaimed. "MY CROISSANTS!!" He dashed out of the foyer and into the kitchen, just in time to rescue his croissants. But he burned hiss hands in the process setting them in fire. "MY HANDS MY HANDS! OH MY BEAUTIFUL MANICURED HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed and ran in circular squares. Then he stopped and realized how ironic this actually was and he began laughing like a maniac. then the men in white suites came and took him away too, after putting his hands out and amputating them. One year later Roy was let out of the asylum, a changed man. He walked over to Riza that morning and proposed to her then he went and did all his paperwork and then he ate green vegetables! Everyone was appalled and shocked. So shocked they all quit work and were never seen again. it was rumored that they had all gone into the textile industry and became part of an assembly line.

"AAAARGH!!!" Roy screamed, sitting up in bed. WHAT A TERRIBLE DREAM! That day he canceled his tea party and spent the rest of the week burning croissants.

---

**It's really sad but if I don't get many reviews I'm going to have to stop writing these drabbles -sniff- aaah it's so depressing.**


	20. Frilly

**Oh my I must update!!**

----------

- Frilly

It was that time of year again. The military was having a family picnic and EVRYONE was invited. Oh how jolly good. So Havoc called up his parents and smiled. "Mommy, Daddy?" He asked into the phone and a voice replied.

"Yes? What is it son?"

"Can you come to the family picnic with me tomorrow Daddy and can mommy come too?" He asked, in a mighty child's voice. Now all of you may not know this but he was in the office as he was making this call and everyone was giving him really weird looks.

"Why of course we can son!" The voice said in happiness and hung up the phone.

"YAYYYYY" Havoc said happily and jammed another cigarette into his mouth, how appetizing. Everyone 'ahemed' and looked away in scared-ness because Havoc was acting girly.

The next day

"Hello everyone and welcome to the annual 23rd state military picnic!" Said the happy voice of Hughes over the speaker. "And now that I have your attention I would like you all to me-" Suddenly he was squished by a giant duck.

"YAYYYY!" Everyone hoorayed because Hughes was squish.

"Hello everyone!" Havoc said, walking over to his people that he works with.

"Hi." Breda said he was with his girlfriend and nobody understood why he had one and no one else did. Then he dropped his sandwich because Havoc was in a dress.

Havoc giggled girlishly. "Everyone I'd like you to meet my mother and daddy!"

Two figures stepped out from behind havoc. One was short and fat. It had nose pincher glasses and wore a long jacket. It also was smoking. The second was tall and skinny and they too were smoking. Neither parent looked to have any sort of defined gender and it was scaring everyone.

"Hello!" The little one said in a high high high voice.

"Yes hello!" Said the other in an equally high voice. Everyone was really scared. The two smiled and left to find some rubatash to eat. Havoc giggled and sat down with them. Roy coughed and left, not wanting to be seen with him. So did Riza and Falman and Feury and Breda. So Havoc was alone.

--------------

**I think his parents wanted a girl**


	21. The Killing

**Yay reviews! I knew I wouldn't have to delete you my beloved drabbles! **

--------------

- The Killing

It was all over the news... terrible things of terrible actions done to prevent and even terribler thing.

It was the morning in the Hughes residence and Maes was running around the house happily with only a bathrobe on and it was weird. "Good morning honey bunch!" He smiled and picked up his little girl in a huge bear hug. Sad thing was Elisia wasn't in the mood for hugs so she bit his head off.

"Lieutenant can you please send this down the the mailing room? I need it sent immediately." Roy asked from behind his wooden desk. Oh yes how wooden that desk was, so wooden...so... yes. Riza frowned and looked at the hideous white envelope being held in the colonels hand. Then she hissed and shot it off. "AGGGH!" Roy screamed, falling to the ground and clutching his censored hand that was not bleeding because blood in Full Metal Alchemist? That's unspeakable!

Ross walked into the office and spotted a head-less Hughes doing paperwork. "Um Lieutenant Colonel... what?"

"Oh I know!" Hughes said wich was really not supposed to be possible considering his lack of mouth. Ross's eye twitched. "Isn't it just the CUTEST wound you've ever seen? My little girl Elysia gave it to me this morning. My she had quite the bite!" He giggled happily. Ross frowned and decided to put him out of his mysery by shooting off his foot.

Roy walked back into his office with a bandaged up hand and spotted Chezca standing by his desk. "Um... hello?" He said in confusion, wondering what she was doing in his office.

She turned around and frowned "Oh colonel I'm sorry... I didn't mean for you to see me here." Then to Roy's horror she threw a bunch of papers at him, they hurt and sliced off his other hand and his eyebrow. So now he had a unibrow.

"Well I think that's all of them!" Riza grinned evilly and moved aside from the doorframe. The doorframe smiled.

"Yes' lets go!" Elysia said happily.

"Good Idea!" Chezca said and looked around the room. Sastifed she closed the door and they all laughed.

"Good job everyone!" Ross chimed, walking over to the three and they all walked into the sunrise.

**Oh my… ok then…**


End file.
